Page 23 - Top Cover Issue 18
P. 23
SUMMER 2023 TOP COVER 23
THE PATH FROM THE UNICORN BEDROOM
TO REWILDING AND RECOVERY
a challenge, I was constantly house and I had to quickly walk
scanning people in the restaurant, away. I had never reacted like this
looking for threats. I didn’t feel I before, to me it was a change, and
was present, and I was unable to I felt deeply affected by that job.
enjoy the time we spent together. The man who hung himself was
I asked my supervisor to refer admitted to hospital but due to no
me to workplace health as my brain function his life support was
issues were causing problems at turned off a few days later. I was
home. My wife Martine (who is nominated for a Royal Humane
also a serving police officer) was Society award for my efforts,
supportive, but finding it more however I blamed for myself for
and more difficult to manage as not doing more and felt that I
we have two primary school-aged didn’t deserve any recognition.
children. I was often unhappy
and short tempered. I began Suicidal thoughts
withdrawing more and more, At the beginning of 2022 things
not wanting to get involved got worse and I felt very much
with family activities and seeing alone; the journey to access
friends. I was using alcohol as support services can be time
a coping mechanism which by another little six-year-old girl in consuming and bureaucratic both
was not helping and making tears. She told me her daddy was internally and externally, I felt I
me feel progressively worse. in the ‘Unicorn Bedroom’. couldn't cope with the isolation.
I had dealt with many With the medic kit on my back, It never occurred to me that I
traumatic and high- I ran upstairs where I was met by would ever need to ask for help.
pressured jobs up to a heavily pregnant lady who was My opinion of mental health
this point, but one hysterical and screaming. Her and dealing with trauma was
had a profound husband had hung himself in the unfortunately misguided; I viewed
effect on me, and it girl’s bedroom and she had cut people who suffered with mental
worried me about him down. health problems as just not being
how I reacted to it. I started doing CPR whilst trying resilient enough.
While on the ARV to get the mother to take the girls In March 2022 Martine made
I was on mobile patrol, downstairs. I managed to get an emergency appointment with
local units were dispatched a defib on and an airway in, 10 my GP as I was having suicidal
to a hanging that had just minutes later the critical care team thoughts, I simply couldn’t see
happened. We were close by. arrived and took over. a way out. My GP was very
Due to my enhanced medic As I walked out of the address understanding and supportive;
training and equipment I self- I was hit by the cold air. I felt he signed me off work and
deployed to the incident. overwhelmed by emotion, I felt a prescribed me anti-depressants
We arrived first on scene, a lump in my throat and my chest due to my hypervigilance.
three-year old girl was running tightened. I was holding back the The force psychologist later
out of the open front door and tears, I couldn’t make sense of confirmed a diagnosis of complex
into the street. My crew partner why he had done this to his family. post-traumatic stress disorder
grabbed hold of her as we ran There were police officers and (C-PTSD), which was explained
into the address. I was then met paramedics out the front of the to me as ‘dealing with numerous
WWW.PFOA.CO.UK
